all the time. I [heart] the Beatles, so sometimes lyrics will make their way into my head & onto my blog. This one is for Nina, in part. (I'm still working on it, girl.) So, the daily "don't pound your sister!" struggle is getting better most days. I did the "triple punishment" for a while, which included a swat on the bottom. Now, for those of you who have been around our fam, you know that we aren't the corporal punishment kind. I think L. had around 5-7 "spanks" during his life span before Zora arrived. And then Zora arrived. (And with her the jealously.) So, I was never fully comfortable with "spanking" to give the "no hitting" message. For me, it didn't feel right. I have been reading, reading, reading, talking to other moms, talking to my hubby, & experimenting with various things. So now, we're back to simple "time outs." I think this has worked just as well!! The only "urg" to this is this: it must be VERY consistant. As soon as the injustice is committed upon the infant (pinching has been the crime of choice recently), I scoop up the guilty party, (don't have to say a word), put him in a t.o. chair, & say "you have 4 minutes for doing that to sister." Sometimes he cries. Sometimes he knows what's up & he's quiet.
When the t.o. is over, he usually comes back, apologizes to Zora, & is pretty chill. If he isn't chill enough, he goes back for another 4 min. We talk about the behavior; how it's wrong. He never knows "why" it occurs (which is a mystery to me bc it happens pretty much once daily.)
I read about a "sweet seat," where the kid goes to read or play quietly in this cute, decorated, pillow adorned box or lounge area 'til they feel okay enough to play nicely. I know the theory here is "positive reinforcement," but I feel like that would be saying "you did a mean thing, so go have fun 'til you want to come over here & have fun." Anyone else get that from it? Also, the drs. writing advocated going to the car & waiting it out if your kid(s) act up in a store. Now, I know that is a grand theory...& I have left when just browsing, but if I am in the midst of weekly grocery shopping, you'd better believe I'm going to drag thing 1 to the bathroom & give him a talking to (then probably hold him as he cries & I push the cart). What I'm saying is: who can actually do that every time?
So, I was also wondering (especially for you mamas of more than one)...what do you do to punish the violence towards others/siblings? Let's discuss, please.
3 comments:
I also need advice. Time-outs do not work well on Cal. He freaks out forever and every time it takes a good 35 put-backs to get him to stay on the chair. Then when he finally stays there, he wails and screams the whole time and when it's over, and I calmly say: "I put you in t.o. for ___. You can get down now" followed by a hug, he says: "NO! I'm NOT getting down!" and continues to wail. What the...? It's like he's too sensitive, too angry, and too racked with guilt all at once. I have no idea what to do except tell him his behavior is not OK and he needs to change it. Maybe that weird sweet-seat thing would actually work on his personality. I've yet to find a run-of-the-mill mommy trick that works on him. Milo, on the other hand, seems to react well to the normal little punishments and talkings-to. Sigh.
Can you tell Cal's going through a hard stage? He doesn't hurt his brother or anything, but he's Iron-will Man who won't budge on certain things, and goes into crying/screaming fits that seem to need to work themselves out. I have noticed that just holding him for awhile and saying nothing until he's over it seems to help keep our house a bit happier, but nothing totally works yet. So...this is long. Sorry. I should just post it on my own blog!
(Cute pictures of you, by the way).
I also wanted to mention that today Calvin completely lost it at WalMart when my cart was nearly full. I wanted to run him to the car, but come on, like I'm really going to lose the last 40 minutes of shopping for his momentary naughtiness. I stuck him in the big part of the cart, and let him cry and wail - it was embarrasing, but at least when the lady asked us if they wanted a cookie and I said: "The one with good behavior can have a cookie" - that shut him up quick (he still didn't get a cookie). Store break-downs are rough - so stressful.
Your son look just like you!! How sweet!!!!
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