zombie nation dance by L-town

This was SERIOUSLY funny. I laughed till I cried. (I'm sure you can tell as I'm videoing.) My favorite dance move is the new one...pelvic thrust w. some kind of pinkie finger sticking up thing going on. Good stuff. My kid has talent...or at least a great sense of humor. :)
OH, and this was on a "sick day"...L. came home yesterday w. a little bit of fever & not eating, so he has slept lots extra (even a morning nap). I guess he's feeling better!

Props to the little girl

Miss Zora Bean slept for 6 1/2 hours last night! For those of you who know about L's sleeplessness, you know that this is a gift from above for us. Yea, Zora!

Juneteenth in Macomb

L-town and b.f., Amir had a blast at our local Juneteenth celebration. We all had a good time hanging out with friends. We waited a little late to eat, so we ended up going out (which we rarely do), but that was also fun. Zora snoozed & L. was really well behaved. On the stroll home, L. tried to push Z.'s stroller. :) (Just for a second, but he could actually somewhat steer.)

Our own little Daisy

Big Z. weighed in at 13 lb. 15 oz. at her 2 month checkup. She was 23 3/4" tall, too. She was "off the charts" in weight & a little about 90% in height. She's growing like brother's good friend, Dais! Healthy girl! :)

Zora's 2 month hat.

I did take this pic on the 16th...her actual 2 month. She wasn't very excited about the photo shoot.

AHHH! (a 2 kids moment)

This afternoon we were all in the bed around 12:50 (attempting to keep w. the preschool schedule). The 2 books were read, then L. needed to potty, to drink, etc. I warned him that a little boy who didn't rest didn't get to "watch" or play computer. He quieted down. I nursed Z. Just as I was beginning to drift off, no covers. L. claimed he was hot. Back & forth for an hour, this fun stuff continued. I finally let him get up (I have lots to do anyway, but the exhaustion takes over sometimes). He was directed to color or draw quietly as I got some laundry downstairs. I heard, "MOM!" a few times before I heard "WHAAA!" Urg. I hear that a lot. "MOOOOOM!" followed by "WHAAAA!" And I want to growl & do harm to my toddler (bc usually it's him asking, "what I should dwaw?" as he did today.) Then I remember: 1. he's only 3! 2. he is used to having only me around, not someone who depends on so many naps 3. although he is happy to have "sister," she has rocked his "only child" world. After acting out to a crazy extent the other day, he sat down on my lap and told me it was "hawd to be a big brother." Poor guy. I'm sure it is. I know that I'm a big sister, but I can not relate to this "new baby" thing. I don't remember life without Dave! He was always there in my memory. I'm sure I had a few sad or jealous moments as a tiny person, but they have escaped me. Barclay usually relates to Langston a little better in these moments. I just listen & try to do a cwaft, read a book, or practice in a workbook as I nurse...to remind him that some times are still his.

z's rash

aunt leslie, is this heat rash ?

growing, growing... gone: my mommy emotional roller coaster

Where to begin? I guess at the beginning...
One of the things that has been tough for me since Zora's birth is feeling like Langston is so grown-up, or feeling like his baby-hood has flown by. I think that when I hold another baby (nurse, talk to, dress, bathe...another), it reminds me that: 1. it isn't L. 2.she'll grow up so fast, too. I feel like I will enjoy (& so far have enjoyed) all phases of my kids baby & toddler-hood, but I'll confess that I am one of those parents who really wants to be with my kids almost 24-7.
I do want time alone with my husband & time alone for just me, but I also want to be the one taking care of my kids, whether it be helping them potty or reading or playing or cleaning while they play pretend. It was tough on me when I had just had Zora & I couldn't spend time with L., even though we were in the same house, bc Zora needed me so often. Then comes the emotional tearing...I don't want Zora to ever feel like L. is a "favorite." I love her, too, of course. We are just bonding & sharing lots of sweet feeding time (all day -night). I just started reading to her (just her) & she's "talking" & cooing so sweetly. I know that we'll fall in love just like L. & I did.
I have just been so accustomed to spending every day of my life (for the past 3 1/2 years) seeing the same chubby cheeks (with small dimples around the lips), dark eyes (just like his dad), and sweet ears (one with a little elf lump on top).
I think that God gave me my family to teach me who I am and how to love like Him. I remember around the time I got pregnant with Langston I felt like I loved Barclay more and more every day. I thought "how wonderful marriage is! I hope we love each other more & more every year!" Of course, having babies, being students, not having money or family close by us was tough, but it also taught me who I was...and grew me into who I am. We struggled with each other & beside each other, but we can look back now and see our growth. I look back & am ashamed of how selfish & petty I could be before I had kids ( I don't mean to say that I am never that way now). I didn't fully know who I was till after I gave birth to Langston. I didn't understand what it was to love like this. I think that having children has made me love Barclay with more patience, to let go of some of my protective parenting ways, & to lean on him more. He is what I prayed for in a husband that would "challenge me" to be who I should be. He won't let me get away with half-way doing things when I should be doing my best. I appreciate that. He also thinks I'm a good mom. I appreciate that, too.
When I was feeling like I was breaking from the inside out about all this kid stuff, he was really great. I want to be such a great mom. I didn't feel like I could possibly do all I wanted to do for each child. I didn't feel like I got to meditate on Zora (on her growing inside me, who we would be to each other, ...) like I did Langston. I didn't feel like I got to pray about or for her like I did for Langston. And, the truth is, I probably didn't. I had to be a full-time mom for him as I grew her. It was quite a bit different, but I guess that happens when a mom of 1 becomes a mom of 2. My love for her isn't less, but my time is. I know that L. will be in school in such a short time & Zora & I will have sweet days, just like L. and I do now. I just have to have faith that I am doing the best I can & not be so hard on myself. And it's much easier said than done.
And all these feelings of balancing children lead me to one more emotional decision that we made during my pregnancy. Since our 2 times of unprotected sex resulted in 2 children, we knew that since we didn't want to have any more (adopt; maybe, have; no.), something permanent should be in order. Barclay is going to have "the surgery" this summer. Even though the end of my pregnancy was less than wonderful & labor was rough, I had trouble with "closing the door" on more babies from us. I don't really want to be pregnant again...and then some moments I do. I don't want to labor again...but, maybe. There is something about that kind of experience that is so bitter-painful-magical-pure that it's difficult to say "never again," esp. at only 27-years-old. And yet, we'll probably say "no more" this summer. I'm getting more okay with it. I know I have to. And I also know that we both have had desires to adopt. There are so many babies out there waiting to be loved. It would be wonderful to give one of them a home & family who loves them.
We'll make those decisions when the time comes. Until then, this is some of what's been on my heart for the past several weeks. Thanks to all the moms who have offered wisdom or a listening ear. Girlfriends are a blessing to have in all times, esp. times like these. Please enjoy the pix of my little boy swinging in G'ville & my big boy swinging in Macomb. Let's all remember that "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." Seize it.

Langston's first button....all by himself!

L. buttoned his shirt all by himself one morning. I've been putting him in something w. buttons since then so that he can practice. He loves it.

yes, the bow looks goofy

I know my husband will be glad to hear me say this: the bow on Zora looks goofy. I never put anything on or around her bald-ish little head. I know that someday I'll have the chance to pull her little hair back & "fix" it, but for now, I'm leaving her fuzzy head alone. It really is sweet with just the longer fuzz in the back sticking up and nothing else attached to it.
Oh, and L. wanted to "show" everyone Z's new gum brush & paste. He also tried the paste on his toothbrush. :) And he helped me dress Zora so that they would match. He loves his sister.

Double strollin'

First day of Preschool

My big boy just started pre-school! He will be going on Tues. & Thurs. Although I am happy to have more time with Zora & proud of him, I have mixed feelings about not seeing him for 2 days a week. I'm sure some other mommies can relate.
He did GREAT on his first day (the only day so far). He even took a nap there (during nap time...on his cot...with his special blankie). Barclay took him & picked him up. He said that Langston bounded into the classroom & joined right in with a teacher & another kid who were already playing at a table. We it was time to go home, L. had to think about whether or not he really wanted to leave! I'm so proud of his grown-up nature. He's very self-assured...my little joy of a guy.

both babies at the playground

Little Zora slept as L. and I played like "old times" one afternoon (about a week ago). I decided to give Barclay a child-free hour or two and we headed out to have some mom & kid fun. I think Langston was happy to have me "back," i.e. able to lift & hold him once again. I enjoyed our outing, too. :)

Grandmom & Granddad visit

Grandmom & Granddad visited us once again. This post is a little late, but I thought they would enjoy the pix anytime they got posted. We had fun. Their visits are always "short & sweet" bc they both still work full-time. I'm sure they're looking forward to a grandkid-filled retirement!

our family

Donna took this pic a few weeks ago. Fun family times.